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Space Mutiny
Ahh, Space Mutiny, starring non other than the legendary Reb Brown. A man with about as much acting depth as a sheet of cardboard. On with the story. Ryder (Mr Brown) has landed on the 'Southern Sun' after a botched space fight (in more ways than one). However, a mutiny is brewing, with the evil Kalgon, and his red leather-clad sidekick trying to take over the ship. Can the heroic Bert Widechest (... I mean Dave Ryder) save the day?
Where do I start with this beauty of a movie? I know where to start. Quite simply, REB BROWN RUNS LIKE A GIRL. REB BROWN SCREAMS LIKE A GIRL. REB BROWN GENERALLY ACTS ALL GIRLIE LIKE. Apart from that I have found that this movie can only be reviewed by listing it's qualities. Perhaps I should begin with a few statistics.
Number of Rail Killings : 18
I had to take a purist line here. People who fall off a railing from a great height. falling down stairs, or getting pulled over a banister, or getting killed on a catwalk without falling off the railing don't count. I have seen people estimate up to 24 rail killing, but I have counted them myself. I don't think I missed any pure killings.
Number of times the evil Kalgan uses his evil laugh inappopriately : 18
And what an evil laugh it is
Estimated age of the 'sexy' heroine : 50
Complete with plastic surgery and caked in makeup. She also sports a rather attractive outfit through most of the movie. It must help with the zero gravity atmosphere.
Okay. But that's not all. This movie has it all,
Futuristic sets
With commodore 64's, and brick walls (on a spacehip?). It's the future, can't you tell?
Futuristic costumes
Including silver leotards with huge shoulder pads (mmmm). That and the evil Kalgan has a random assisstant dressed in red leather armour. Is he some sort of sex slave?
Santa Claus
He has his own ship now!
The Balerians
A bunch of random telepathic women worship shop bought plasma balls. What is the point of these women?
A funky club scene
With hula hoops! Erm, is that supposed to be erotic?
Special FX
All (yes, all) the space scenes are stolen from old Battlestar Galactica episodes, It seems they couldn't find enough shots of the main ship, and so the ship itself changes every now and again.
Car(t) Chases
The cars are a freak cross between a golf buggy and half a darlek. These things travel at 3 miles an hour and seem to be well stocked with plastic explosive.
The Hero
Our hero screams on many an occasion, bravely pushes doors with his feet, makes a long lasting use of a clever disguise, and has a superb theme tune that follows him around (think early eighties scifi version of Indiana Jones theme tune. Oh yeah, that and REB BROWN RUNS, SCREAMS AND GENERALLY ACTS LIKE A GIRL. (I should probably add that I mean a proper girlie girl, I'm not trying to be sexist!)
In Conclusion
This is a bad movie in all respects, hilarious twists, and utter random scenes will have you spurting juice out of your nose and collapsing on the floor unable to breath with hysteria. Oh, and REB BROWN RUNS LIKE A GIRL.
Bad rating (out of Five):
Brainmelt:
SBIF:
"Take that you space bitch!"
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