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Troll 2
This review too BIG for you? try this condensed version instead!
This is it. The movie that started the obsession. It was at a time in my life when movies were getting dull. Comedies were easy watching, but just never made me actually laugh. Blockbusters were great, but getting too bloody long, so I never watched one more than once. There was a hole in my movie watching life, that needed filling. Then came along Troll 2. I never knew a bad movie could be so magical.
Let's start with a general overview of the plot. The Wait family go on holiday to the quaint backward village of 'Nilbog' (clever that) but unbeknown to them, it is actually the Goblin kingdom. Lucky for them, however, all the Goblins are vegetarians, and so are repulsed with the idea of eating humans. Or are they? No, for you see, rather than eating vegetables, like most vegetarians seem to enjoy, the Goblins would rather change the humans into a green goo, and then eat that. It's up to Joshua and his dead grandpa to save the day.
Now Joshua seems to know the score right from the start. Being a kid, an annoying one at that, nobody seems to believe a word he says. So together, Joshua and his Grandpa Seth think of ingenious ways to stop the goblins. For example, during the longest thirty seconds ever (somewhere in the region of one minute twenty-six) Joshua is faced with the problem of how to stop his family from eating the evil goblin vegetative matter. I won’t explain what he does, but needless to say, his father explains it well enough, "You can’t piss on hospitality". I’m assuming that is the same hospitality that later involves the entire town breaking into their house when they aren’t there and having a party.
In case you hadn’t gathered, Troll 2 has a severe anti-vegetarian theme. Broth contains "the concentration of all the vegetable properties of the earth", or a nice green cake is made "with wild nettles and a few organic additives to make it delicious and purify the intestines". This is all described by the Evil ‘Eyebrows‘ Goblin Queen with the most sinister voice she could muster up. In fact vegetarianism is not only made to sound extremely sinister and evil, but is also equated with the church of Satan (the Evil ‘Eyebrows’ Goblin Queen’s house). To be honest, everybody has been thinking it for years, it’s about time someone was bold enough to stand up and say it. And that was nearly twenty years ago. You can’t deny that the writers of troll 2 were way ahead of their time on that one. 
Speaking of Evil ‘Eyebrows’ Goblin Queen’s house, I am brought to a point regarding two of the characters. After being attacked in the woods by group of goblins, they very smartly run away. I can’t agree, however, that their decision to seek refuge in the first house they saw was a good one. That house being a satanically converted church, complete with up-turned crosses, burning torches, and bizarre camera angles. This is the most obviously evil building that has ever been built. I’m sure it wouldn’t take much more searching to find a nice pleasant residential area. I suppose they were probably pretty desperate. The owner of the ‘house’ turns out to resemble a cross between your mental Aunt Petunia who has a fetish for cats and a Goth with animated eyebrows and scurvy. Desperate or not you would certainly be suspicious of the strange smoking broth you are offered. 
Not only does the movie preach anti-vegetarianism, but also has a subtle anti-Irish theme running throughout. For you see the Goblins all have a "mole the shape of a clover leaf". Again, something that everybody has been thinking for years, but only the writers of troll 2 have been bold enough to say it out loud.
This is a movie that you could write a dissertation on. There is so much I haven’t mentioned here, and don’t have the space too (I don’t want to bore people too much. But here is a quick list of things to watch out for when (yes, when) you watch it,
Conclusion
This is the only movie I have heard of that is repeatedly described as an infectious disease. Once you see it, you will want to spread it around, make sure as many people can see it as possible. Only the power of goodness can defeat this movie. The best bit is, it's available on Amazon for just a couple of quid! Woo-Hoo!
Bad rating:
Brainmelt score: 
SBIF score: 
"He’s not a little shit, he’s just sensitive"
"they’re eating her, then they’re going to eat me ….. Oh my Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!"
"there’s no coffee here in Nilbog, it’s the devils drink"
"are you crazy boy? We’re vegetarians here in Nilbog, didn’t you know that?"
"do you want some Joshua?"
"please, lets talk, we’re all humans here"
"it’s only the power of goodness that can defeat the goblins"
"Don’t do it, think about the fat, think about the cholesterol, think about the toxins!"
bravenet.com