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Trapped in The Closet-
The DVD Commentary Remix
Having recently spent some time spreading the gospel according to R Kelly's 'Trapped in the Closet', I have come to realise the necessity for the following review. Usually I wouldn't go so far as to give a directors commentary an individual rating, but this 'remix' is such a piece of work in it's own right that it needs all the recognition it can get.
As soon as the movie begins, the viewer will notice a unique difference between this commentary and any other that has been experienced. Not just a voice-over, this commentary includes a 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' style point of view. R Kelly himself is sat on a sofa in the foreground of the picture, smoking a cigar. Whenever he feels he has something relevant to say, he will peer over his shoulder to talk to you. It truly is like having your own personal R Kelly in the room with you as you watch the picture, explaining everything you need to know.
Something you will be quick to notice is the fact that R Kelly spends most of the commentary apparently awestruck and speechless (I know.. me too) admiring his innovative, groundbreaking masterpiece, doing nothing more than simply nodding his head in appreciation. It isn't too long before something inspiring begins to leave his mouth however.
There are two main focuses in R Kelly's commentary. He spend his time either reiterating the story, or comes out with lines reveling in his own genius. A great example of his attempts to re-explain the plot (in case you didn't actually watch it in the first place is as follows. As the movies goes
"I point my gun and say "I’m not the one you’re after"
He says, "Something I bet you didn’t know, my man Did she tell you that I was a pastor?"
I said, "Well, good, that’s better right? Why can’t we handle this Christian-like?"
R Kelly feels the need to explain,
"Me finding out he's a pastor, that gave some relief. Finding he's a pastor, I figure we should handle this whole situation more christian like, so I'm like "man, let's be christians about this", you know what I'm saying?"
It's a shame that he doesn't enlighten us as to why he feels Christians should be threatening each other with guns. But no matter. He does also occasionally come out with comments that say more about him than he should probably want the general public to know. Later in the scene, as Rufus reveals his secret lover, Chuck, our personal Mighty R tries to explain what's going on through his characters mind. "Now Sylvester is really starting to freak out, because he's sleeping with Cathy, who's husband is Rufus. Rufus is sleeping with Chuck" And the explanation gives us much to think about
"That means I'm sleeping with him too, because it's a full circle". Ah The old infected with gay genes trick. I's also interesting that R Kelly changed from referring to his character in the third person to the first person. So when "everybody really is sleeping with each other" you perhaps get the feeling that R Kelly himself fears catching gayness.
R Kelly's overuse of the word cliffhanger throughout the commentary is very gratifying. A grand total of 22 times (that averages once every 2 minutes) with the following being a record breaking sentence
[On Rosie's entrance] "It wasn't a cliffhanger, but that's the cliffhanger, the fact that it wasn't a cliffhanger, we make you think that it was leading up to another cliffhanger, and that's the cliffhanger"
Then of course Mr Kelly's explanation for the dodgy rhymes he so often uses in 'Trapped'
"It's rhyming all the way through this thing, and it's just amazing to me. I don't know how it came about, it just took on a life of it's own, the whole rhyming thing"
And finally, this is the most philosophically abstract thing that comes out of the great mans mouth during the commentary
"I came to realise when I started writing this piece it's mini-closets. It's like a global closet thing. Everything is pretty much in the closet"
Does anyone know what that means? Answers on a postcard to the usual address please.
Almost everything that the mighty R comes out with in this commentary are accidental Gems. I'm not about to explain it all right here, after all, you can now watch it all on this site. If you thought the movie itself was funny, then hearing the writer himself trying to sincerely explain it is gut wrenchingly hilarious.
Bad rating:
BRAINMELT: 
SBIF:
"People would say 'what the F is this' and I really wanted to put it there, the lyrics in 3D so people can relate to the story ”
It's like those words are just flying out and smacking you in the face.
bravenet.com